LinkExchange
LinkExchange Member

Hello, my very good friend
Your mind, I intend to bend
With these tales of clowns
Througout the town
Into my drink the Lemur will Blend

some number People have been here. Or maybe I've hit reload that many times.

Well, perhaps you're wondering why anyone would want to have a colletion of 100 clown limericks. Well it all started when me (David Robbins) and my friend (Jeremiah Jacques) heard that the school Literary Magazine was asking for material. We thought it would be humorous to see what they would think if tons of clown limericks were turned in. So we essentially, with the help of a few folks, wrote about 100 limericks. This whole project really was quite pointless, but it was also very humorous to us all. Unfortunately some of them do suck, being after you write about 50 you start running out of ideas. Some are very good though, So please read on and enjoy!

Also I hope you noticed the major graphical overhaul that ocurred recently. I added a new background, more graphics and all of the imagemaps.

featured

an

by Sarah Gump
				This weekend a wedding arose
					In Nebo.  I've got all the clothes:
					    A straw hat, the bif feet,
     					But what I thought'd be neat
					To put on a clown's big red nose

					Many folks at the wedding have met
					The love of their life! And I'll bet
						My prospects would soar
						if a chap could adore
					A red ball on the nose of his pet.

hester

Based on the Scarlet Letter

Hester's Kid was named Pearl
And Hester wanted to go hurl
A pie at Pearl's face
Or spray her with mace
For truly a clown, that girl
by d. robbins

There once was a clown to be hanged
For Hester Prynne He had banged
He was really quite mild
But he got her with child
Because of this, he will be hanged
by D. Robbins

A clown knew a humourous jester
Who's loins would bubble and fester
The fluids would flow
All day through his clothes
And the phone book called him "Prynne, Hester"
by d. robbins and j. jacques

A clown named Hester twice said
On my chest is embedded
The letter "A" I feel so gay
As if I have rats in my head
by d. robbins

oooorrrrrr................
a variation on the same theme

Clowny old Hester thrice said
Upon my bosom is embedded
A letter of sorts
I'd rather wear shorts
Like I have rodents in my head
by d robbins

If Hester Prynne would have been a clown
She would've been the best clown around
And she would've covered
Her letter deep under
Her newly acquired Clown's gown
by J. Jacques and D. Robbins


the

Main Limericks

"Are you happy?" ..to the boy with the frown.
He said, "F**k off," and turned to sit down.
He had shocked the whole show
"Thats a Bozo No-No!"
To which the kid spat, "Cram it, Clownie!"
by Sara Gump

If ever a clown was out-going
Then surely it was Edgar the All Knowing
He would up his chair
For an armed man or a bear
And at gun point would do his neighbor's lawn-mowing
by j jacques

The clown was indeed my companion
Until he slipped into the canyon
For twelve seconds he fell
But death didn't prevail
Coma-Clown I now call my companion
by J. Jacques

There once was a clown who was gay
He showed it in a very strange way
He danced all around
And then rolled on the Ground
So from then on, with little children he did play
by Daven Hunsicker

A clown always sucks his thumb
He does this to avoid drinking rum
but the rum dish was bare
When he got there
And so the poor clown had none rum
by j. jacques

A clown once told me a tale
Of the day his circus set sail
t'was a day to revere
When that circus came near
And slowly raised comedy's veil
by j jacques

The clown was the fruit of my loins
To preform we'd give him many small coins
Many coins he would get
But never forget
The coins he got from my loins
by d. robbins and j jacques

I think clowns are real neat
Especially ones with big feet
With shoes that are red
And hair on their head
But with no one having the name of Pete
by Andrew Commesso

I saw a clown dressed all in green
Not like anything I had ever seen
It scared me real bad
I ran to my dad
Who made me eat lots of beans
by A. Commesso

Clowns are real big and bad
Some are really quite rad
They eat lots of honey
And make lots of money
But they look funny and that is real sad
by A. Commesso

There once was a very sad clown
Who had quite a very large from
Because one day
In a Roundabout way
His loins had fallen to the ground
by N Cooke

There once was a clown who was fat
He waddled this way and that
He plopped in a car
But didn't get far
For the tires had gone totally flat
by daven hunsicker

I once heard a clown on my phone
Who was hastily telling me to go home
but being already there
I pretended I was Tom Petty
And with new inspiration I roamed
by J. Jacques

Clowns are realer than life
It is them that can play the fife
They bring forth thine notes
Faster than running goats
I hope to make a clown my wife
by j jacques

Theres not much a variety of jobs in my town
I know cause I.ve looked all around
Being allergic to birds
Not knowing how to tend herds
I'll have to resort to being a clown
by J. Jacques

There thrice was a limerick named Clown
That was about a rambunctious old hound
The poem got its name
When to its birth a clown came
And named it after the first thing it found

And here is the limerick mentioned in the previous one

Once a rambunctious old hound
Followed a fairy around
She offered him one wish
So he asked for a fish
But instead got a crummy old clown
the last 2 were by J. Jacques

I think that I may vomit
For i have eaten quite to much of it
I chug it down
Like no frowning clown
Sometimes it is filled with grit
by d robbins

There once was a clown named Enis
Who lived on the planet Venus
He had an operation
To increase the sensation
In his twelve in long Finger
by Nathan Cooke

There once was a small young clown
Who was half the size of his gown
It would drape on his back
Like a travelers knap-sack
And inside he'd be lost, but then found
by j. jacques

There once was a clown in the Navy
He enjoined his biscuis and gravy
But to their avail
Their boat didnt sail
So he married his boyfriend named Davey
by Leona Prince

I once saw the tip of a clown
Sticking up from a hole in the ground
As dead, I dismissed the poor fellow
Although I heard him sadly bellow
But there wasnt a shovel around
by J Jacques

There once was a clown with a sheep
Which drove him around in a Jeep
But the Jeep was to thin
To fit them both in
So up on the roof rode the sheep
j. jacques

Clowns are the pride of the circus
If preformed for the men who are Turkish
The Turks are so pleased
When the sad clowns are teased
The pretend that the clowns are now burnt fish
| by j. jacques

If I am ever in great power
Like president or head of the Light Tower
I will make a law
THat will pertain to clowns all
That will forbid clowns to bathe or shower
by j jacques

On a planet my father was found
In methane his mother was drowned
My grandmother was famous
But found dead on Uranus
Shw was a clown now dead in a mound
by D. Robbins

On "The Simpsons" there's a clown; Krusty
This clown has an odor, it's musty
He's like many fools
He sees women, he drools
Especially ones that are busty
by d robbins

The fashionable young clown owned a mink-dog
They would perform atop of a pink hog
They were the best of the circus
But their master was a jerkus
So they sprayed him with a big stink-fog
by d robbins

The clown was coloring a paper
When his tongue got caught in a stapler
He jumped up and down
With a metally frown
One who picks grapes, is a grapler
by d. robbins

Clowns are made of puppy dog tails
Rats, rice, and ongoing snails
Although some are fat
Their trouble's not that
but that they are allergic to hay bales
by j. jacques

There once was a clown with a dog
they both liked to chase after hogs
And when they were caught
They were tied nice and Taught
And raped until they were raw
by David Ashworth

If I were a clown I would moisten
A napkin with small drops of poison
then the napkin I'd place
In a better clown's face
Then I'd be the best clown in Bloiston
by Jeremiah Jacques

T'was thrice a clown named Charlie,
Rode he a cycle, a Harley.
He'd ride it all day
Like a badger through hay
Or perhaps a titmouse through barley
by David Robbins

I think clowns are mean and mad
I dont like them, they are bad
My fear was first started
When to the circus I departed
And an evil clown killed my dad
by j jacques

A clown is a thing to remember
Like 100 degrees in December
Both, make hot, your town
Except for the clown
And usually not even December
by Jeremiah Jacques

The clown was now the deflator
of the baloons in the elevator
up and down it would go
not to fast or to slow
and he later became Darth Vader
by David Robbins and J. Jacques

There once was a clown who was pagan
who very much liked Ronald Reagan
He liked Reaganomics
And Plate-techtonics
and he really loved earth quakin'
by J. Jacques and D. Robbins

On the beach lived a clown called Mell
He lived, we'll say, in a shel
His son, named Kermit
Brought home a crab type hermit
Who chased both out of the shell into Hell with a Bell.
by D. Robbins

Once I saw a strange fish
Protruding form some orrifice
It turned out to be
The big rump of me
For a clown informed me of this
by D. Robbins

There twice was a clown whom sinned
I'm doing a report on him
For Mrs. Farrar's class
I hope I will pass
So exuse me, I must go begin
by D. Robbins

Once on a mid-summer's morn
a clown found in his armpit an acorn
he planted this seed
as a neighborly deed
In the middle of a pasture of corn
by J. Jacques

There twice was a clown who was under
He woke only to the sound of thunder
his horse slowly burned
But his lesson was learned
And he would scatter the ashes asunder
By J. Jacques and David Robbins

In a town lives a clown named Babbs
Who has a bad case of the crabs
Itching all day
In a Detestable way
With sick and vomitous grabs
by David Robbins

When I look at a clown I feel sad
Before the circus, what job did he have?
Is he happies now
or crying somehow
and I wonder if Badgers have dads.
by J. Jacques

I am an apprentice clown
For free, my experience is found
and when I grow old
and to the public I'm bold
I'll be the best clown around
by J. Jacques

In his coffin a dying clown lay
waiting for death all night and all day
when death's sweet embrace
falls over his face
to the after life he'll be on his way
by J. Jacques

I twice killed a young clown
For he would not go down
to the place where I said
T'was not my bed
But merely where lemurs abound
by David Robbins

In a clown once lived a tapeworm
Also an intestinal germ
Sometimes they would lean
On the walls of the speen
And talk to the playful young sperm
by David Robbins

A clown thrice ate a bean
While sitting on a saltine
Tasty it was
It gave him a buzz
Then he killed a preteen
by David Robbins

There once was a wooden legged clown
and all he did was stand 'round
until one day
a truck came his way
and pounded him into the ground
by David Ashworth

There once was a clown, obscene
no part of him was unseen
but onto his crowd
who screamed really loud
He pulled down his pants and he peed
by David Ashworth

There thrice were four clowns from Hell
one of which lived inside a whale
his name was Gepetto
And he longed for the Ghetto
He passed his time ringing a bell
by J. Jacques

There once was a clown who was sterile
And amoungst his loins, he wore a barrel
All night and all day
in his barrel, he'd stay
And all while singing a carol
by J. Jacques and D. Robbins

There once was a clown from New Hampshire
Who had no clothes but a damp shirt
But he wore it with pride
And when he finally died
In his coffin he wore but his damp shirt
by J. Jacques

I think all clowns are fantastic
Because they are all quite spastic
its also real neat
when they tickle my feet
And wrap me up in elastic
by Andrew Commesso

There once was a clown from Brevard
Who acted like such a retard
He danced all around
Untill he fell down
And now he's incredibly scarred
by Andrew Commesso

Some clowns are more than just clowns
And some homes are more than just towns
There are bees in my hair
But only the doctors care
And I never let them come around
by J. Jacques

My uncle is a barnyard clown
He's the only one in this town
He has no one to watch him
Except for the cows, ducks, and hen
And he follows small rodents around
by J. Jacques

If I ever feel lonesome and blue
Or just want someone to talk to
I can call on my friend
For it's a clown that is him
And his head to the fan he will glue
by J. Jacques

If ever a clown was not true
Surely it was Jake the Foo'
he was quick with his tongue
but he ruptured his lung
and now he is sad and blue
by J. Jacques

My father once took me to the fair
I saw a clown when I got there
The clown was so frightening
I pretended I was lightening
And struck him right out of the air
by J. Jacques

There once was a clown with long hair
He always thought he was a bear
He liked to play Pinball
yes, even in the fall
Sometimes while eating a pear
by D. Robbins

There once was a clown named Albino
He had fancy relations with winos
His pants filled with booze
the clown he doth snooze
And he had fancy relations with winos.
by Mickey Grant

A clown is a clown, big or small
The lord above made them all
They are all quite equal
Yes, even Ezekial
And even the apostle named Paul
by D. Robbins and J. Jacques

The clown really liked to dance
In his blue and green pants
Dancing he'd go
to the local Disco
Like he had ants in said pants
by d. robbins

Here is a clown named Wog
He has a big yellow Dag
His name is Miguel
He never would yell
And he loved to huff the great smog
by Luke Weber

A clown once lived in Des Moines
Where he ate the fruits of his loins
He'd always eat
But never deplete
The amount he had in his groins
by d robbins

The clown lived where he was born
to make jokes, he said, was the norm
Joking all day
Someday he will pay
For windows broken in the storm
by d. robbins

The clown wore very big jeans
And constantly ate fried black beans
He ate some on a date
His pants did inflate
With farts made by gaseous means
by d. robbins

Once a very old clown died
In boiling fat he was fried
He sizzled all day
Til he fizzled away
Like the bacon put in my eye
by d. robbins

There once was a clown named Gavin
Some of us liked to call him Daven
He was really to stern
In hell he will burn
This poor unfortunate Gavin
by d. robbins

There once here lived a clown
He also tended to live in town
So fruity was he
So very zany
He liked to dress up in gowns
by d. robbins

Once a clown lived in Brevard
Many called him the Bard
Like Shakespeare
Except bigger ears
And he liked to eat horses lard!!
by d. robbins

When the clown went into town
To buy a bright shiny gown
They turned him away
Like he was gay
So he left with a very sad frown
by d. robbins

Badgers-they get me down
Badgers-they make me frown
I feel so bad
I am so sad
La la la la la clown
by d. robbins


Our Patron Saint